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Post by Kayl on Mar 16, 2007 23:36:55 GMT -5
This is the premise of my new story. Its hard to explain, but the story is going to have the same overall plot as my other one, but i'm changing a lot. It more in a near future kind of setting. Anyway, here is the premise for it. This is not the whole chapter, it is just to see what people's reactions are.
“The Great War, as you know, occurred three centuries ago. The world was war torn and everyone was effected. Countries launched their most deadly weapons at whoever wasn’t their ally. Many parts of the world became nuclear wastelands. Biological and chemical weapons were much more widely used though. From all of the waste, the planet’s was thrown out of balance. Hurricanes ravaged the coasts, and acid rain became a problem. A few countries began to discover ways to cause earthquakes by using machines. This caused many volcanoes to erupt, and whole cities were engulfed in flame. Many called this the Apocalypse. Many believed the world would end.”
“It might as well have. So much research was destroyed, that after the war we couldn’t create what we used to be able to. No longer could we humans build the nuclear or chemical weapons we were once able to. Only then did the violence stop. People had to live in areas that weren’t as heavily effected, mostly the southern coasts.”
“Most countries, especially the larger ones, had dictators now. Rising from the chaos of the war, they worked their way up through political systems. No one remembered what the exact reason was for the war, but sometime during it, the people of the world began to realize that everyone was the same now. No one wanted to be afraid anymore, and they unified and overthrew the dictators of their countries, stopping the war. A group of large countries formed across the super continent that is our planet.
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Post by musicfreak15 on Mar 17, 2007 10:03:28 GMT -5
it needs some work, but it sounds pretty interesting
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Post by songbreese on Mar 17, 2007 11:32:24 GMT -5
OMG! SPEGM!!!!
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Post by pythonheart on Mar 17, 2007 20:15:18 GMT -5
From all of the waste, the planet’s was thrown out of balance. im not sure what youre trying to say there- its just grammatically wrong, thats all but the story sounds interesting- you said this was the premise, but theres important information missing so far- does it take place then while thats happening or after it? *thinks* oh is this about some utopian society? last book in the universe/animal farm/utopia plot line? |
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Post by Kayl on Mar 17, 2007 21:15:38 GMT -5
Sorry, i used the wrong world. It would be premise with everything i had writing, this is just kind of a teaser. This is an intro, which i expanded on last night. I am just putting in a teaser for the setting and stuff. Its not really a premise... Sorry i used the wrong word
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Post by musicfreak15 on Mar 17, 2007 21:48:56 GMT -5
*GASP* OMG!!!!!!!!! SPEGM!!!!!! *mad fits of giggles* I *heart* DI!!!!!! |
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Post by songbreese on Mar 18, 2007 17:01:52 GMT -5
"Auntie Em! Auntie Em!"(lol, I'm totally listening to Wicked right now too...)
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Post by twilight_angel on Mar 19, 2007 15:19:20 GMT -5
sweet.
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Post by songbreese on Mar 19, 2007 19:42:00 GMT -5
btw, Austin. Make sure you can tell the characters apart better in this one. And not by name or appearance, personality. You know how in books they have diolouge without saying who spoke after every character's line? That's what you need to go for, but you can only do that when you have well-developed characters who can tell apart just by what they say.(and how they say it sometimes gets in there too)
...grrr...no one's commenting on my story, I really need ur opinions! otherwise I'm just gonna finally write it and it'll be bad...
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Post by herm-own-ninny on Mar 22, 2007 17:49:17 GMT -5
It sounds interesting. I didn't like the opening
How on earth do we know. Is this set in the future? A completely differant world altogether? An alternate reality? If you plan on having your readers be confused at what's going on so they will actually have a reason to read this, cut out the "As you know..." part.
The idea sounds interesting, go with it. Trust me, if I have a problem with it, you will be the first to know.
Things to keep in mind:
1. develop your characters with dialogue and their actions, not just their personalities and appearence. We will be able to relate to the characters better that way.
2. Put some tone and voice into this one. I'm begging you. I don't want to read a story that sounds about as interesting as a paper about earth worms. Take advice from edger allen poe on this one; every word must develop the tone/voice.
3. Remember to spell check. I'm horrible at this too, but try to keep it in mind before you send it to someone to read. They might just look at the words and completely forget the plot.
good luck. ;D
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gypseylizz
This person is really new here.
LOL.
Posts: 11
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Post by gypseylizz on Apr 10, 2007 10:11:51 GMT -5
I like the idea of it so far. The intro was pretty good. I liked how you started with telling about something that already happened so when whats going on now comes into play we can follow it better and it doesn't get all jumbled up between going back and forth from now to then... if that makes sense... lol songbreese (srry i don't know ppls real names yet) is right though about the personality thing When you start talking about a certain character whoevers ready should just kinda automatically know that this person likes this, dislikes this, acts like this, belongs to this, ect. Stuff like that can really come into play later, even if some of it seems kinda unimportant as your writing it
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The Capitán
Newbie
"Tell my son the time that his father died. Tell him..."
Posts: 233
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Post by The Capitán on May 2, 2007 19:24:58 GMT -5
Nice background for the story...but what's the actual plot? And if an all out we-don't-care-anymore nuclear war started, we would actually have enough nuclear missiles and such to destroy the world but fortunately you're writing fiction so that doesn't really matter. Though if you want to go for the I've-studied-up-on-this approach, the lakes would probably be acidic ((if there would be any left)), most vegetation and animal life would be dead, the planet would be almost literally dead ((so to say)), and surviving a nuclear war would be near impossible. ((Anyone feel free to correct me, my knowldege of nuclear weapons only come from my teachers)) If I was you, I'd avoid the nuclear stuff...but don't mind me...I look into things too much.  Constructive criticism is your friend, remember. |
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Post by Hombre Palido on May 3, 2007 5:32:36 GMT -5
.......one word....
[glow=red,2,300]B00M[/glow]
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Post by herm-own-ninny on May 3, 2007 20:33:46 GMT -5
Nice background for the story...but what's the actual plot? And if an all out we-don't-care-anymore nuclear war started, we would actually have enough nuclear missiles and such to destroy the world but fortunately you're writing fiction so that doesn't really matter. Though if you want to go for the I've-studied-up-on-this approach, the lakes would probably be acidic ((if there would be any left)), most vegetation and animal life would be dead, the planet would be almost literally dead ((so to say)), and surviving a nuclear war would be near impossible. ((Anyone feel free to correct me, my knowldege of nuclear weapons only come from my teachers)) If I was you, I'd avoid the nuclear stuff...but don't mind me...I look into things too much. Constructive criticism is your friend, remember. Constructive crit. is your best friend! I agree on the nuclear war thing. |
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Post by songbreese on May 3, 2007 21:16:32 GMT -5
Indeed, that's a good point. If you still want to take the nuclear approach you could invent and excuse for how scientists came up with a way to reduce of negate the effects of radiation...
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Post by herm-own-ninny on May 3, 2007 21:19:57 GMT -5
that makes sense.
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The Capitán
Newbie
"Tell my son the time that his father died. Tell him..."
Posts: 233
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Post by The Capitán on May 15, 2007 21:42:59 GMT -5
Nice background for the story...but what's the actual plot? And if an all out we-don't-care-anymore nuclear war started, we would actually have enough nuclear missiles and such to destroy the world but fortunately you're writing fiction so that doesn't really matter. Though if you want to go for the I've-studied-up-on-this approach, the lakes would probably be acidic ((if there would be any left)), most vegetation and animal life would be dead, the planet would be almost literally dead ((so to say)), and surviving a nuclear war would be near impossible. ((Anyone feel free to correct me, my knowledge of nuclear weapons only come from my teachers)) If I was you, I'd avoid the nuclear stuff...but don't mind me...I look into things too much. Constructive criticism is your friend, remember. An emphases on my own point...because I have no life. I felt like adding radiation poisoning to the what would happen you would actually survive a nuclear war list as well as adding a picture I found...so pretty...in an ugly way: [warning]disease[/warning] www.deviantart.com/deviation/55295976/ |
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Post by Hombre Palido on May 16, 2007 5:06:04 GMT -5
The picture has a great composition! XD
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Post by herm-own-ninny on May 16, 2007 15:15:18 GMT -5
it's amazing!! Nice composition and realistic look.
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Post by Hombre Palido on May 17, 2007 6:01:51 GMT -5
B00M Yo! B00M! Poison gas...everywhere!! DDD8 Nuclear disease! And lots o' birth defects........no life what so ever! DX The only thing that could live would be...those things from 'The Hills Have Eyes' XDDD Super Continent = Pangea!  I luff you pangea! And no offense...but our levels in English are pretty low compaired to most....how can we say stuff like this? o.o Anyway....your story lost me...where's the plot? |
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Post by Hombre Palido on May 17, 2007 16:37:01 GMT -5
I forgot to add...
[glow=red,2,300]AT LEAST GIVE THE D@MN THING A TITLE!! IT DESERVES THAT MUCH!! DDDDDDDX[/glow]
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I luff you pangea!